Asexuality and me!

Hi all! Today was a great day for me. I went to my first ever Ace Toronto gathering and met some great new friends and learned a bit more about myself and my sexual orientation.

I, Aggie Panda, am an Asexual.

What does that even mean?

Well, it means I do not find myself sexually attracted to anyone. I find people aesthetically pleasing, yes, and love to date and flirt and get to know people, but when it comes down to doing the nasty, I find myself completely repulsed by it.

But you've had sex before, right?

Yes, in the past, I have given into societal norms and had sex (sorry Mom). I always noticed I felt really bad after having sex with someone though, like, disgusted with myself, and disgusted with my partner. It wasn't until more recently that I learned about asexuality though. I always knew something wasn't quite "right" with me and sex- it never felt "amazing" like people told me it would, and I didn't feel any different about someone after doing it with them, as an expression of my love for someone.

So that means there's a chance you'll have sex again, right?

Maybe. If I meet the right person, who is patient and kind, who is willing to wait until I am ready. Sexuality is fluid. I could wake up one day and decide that I am no longer asexual? But the me of this moment is the person I care about the most, and she is an asexual being.

Baby I can be the one to change you ;);)

No- you probably can't. Especially if it's your attitude that you have to change me somehow. I am not into relationships where people try to change who I am. I don't know about you but that sounds like a pretty shit relationship to me.

You're just doing it wrong/haven't found the right person.

Trust me, I've tried a lot of things (again, sorry Mom), but nothing compels me to want to have sex with someone. As far as the right person, maybe you're right, maybe one day I will meet the one to sweep me off my feet like a fairy tale princess. Even then I might not be sexually attracted to them. But I refuse to put myself into situations of compromise any longer. Sex is on my terms now, and no one else's.

I leave you guys with this absolute gem I got messaged on OkCupid mansplaining how I will never find a man who will treat me nicely without expecting sex.

For more information on asexuality, visit asexuality.org.

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